Selasa, 29 Maret 2022

Leave Me Alone

 Tuesday, March 29, 2022:

All that was left in a hurry

The bed that wasn't made

The mugs that weren't washed

Things that weren't done properly

The words that were left unsaid

and the ones that were said but shouldn't be


:

This is probably one of the hardest times in my life, and I just want to be left alone.

Like, yes please, help me, help us financially and physically by all means. But I'm emotionally exhausted to see someone I love in a bad condition. I'm emotionally exhausted to be so close to losing someone I love. And I just need people to stop asking questions.

Why TF would people want to know what happened? Why TF do I have to explain everything to everyone?

If I hardly ever say anything to the ones in their hardest time, it's because I want to be left alone in my own hardest time.

I know people mean well, and it's really not their faults. They're just being very kind and I'm grateful for all the material and physical helps. I don't hate them at all. I know they care about me, about us. I just hate the fact that in my hardest time, being left alone is the only thing I need.

I won't refuse the money, but I really don't fucking need to talk. I fucking hate talking about my problem, especially when I fucking know that the talk won't solve any fucking thing. It's fucking annoying.

The only moral support I need in my hardest time is silence. And some cash.

Kamis, 16 Agustus 2018

Dirgahayu RI!

Jumat, 17 Agustus, 2018

SelamatHari Kemerdekaan Indonesia!
Dirgahayu ke-73 RI! Udah lumayan tua ya negara kita.

Apa yang biasanya lo lakukan untuk merayakan hari kemerdekaan ini?

Gue biasanya jalan-jalan...ke masa lalu.

Iya, di masa lalu, masa kecil gue dulu, 17-an selalu dirayakan meriah banget di RT dan RW setempat. Ada lomba-lomba antar warga se-RT, lalu ada lagi lomba-lomba antar RT se-RW. Belom! Belom sampe tingkat antar RW se-kelurahan. Seru kali ya kalo sampe kelurahan, udah kaya Paskibra.

Dulu gue paling semangat tiap 17-an!
Karena dulu gue masi tinggal di komplek perumahan yang asik banget, yang warganya kompak dan aktif, dan gue masi sekolah.
Jadi, baik di rumah maupun di sekolah, gue mengikuti berbagai macam lomba.

Ada lomba khas 17-an seperti lomba makan kerupuk, balap karung, balap kelereng, bakiak, dan yang paling seru buat gue, panjat pinang!
Ada juga lomba dan kompetisi lain seperti panco, tarik tambang, sepakbola pakai daster/sarung, dan lain-lain.

Jujur aja, pas di RT gue cuma supporter. Banyak yang lebih jago makan kerupuk sama balap karung, nggak bisa main voli, nggak bisa ikut main bola karena cuma ada buat cowok, dan balap kelereng cuma buat anak-anak.

Tapi di sekolah, gue lumayan aktif. Biasanya gue ikut lomba bakiak, tarik tambang, sama udah pasti main sepakbola dong!

Selain itu, setiap 17-an, sekolah gue selalu mengirimkan tim Paskibra untuk bersaing di tingkat, kelurahan, kecamatan, bahkan sempat mencapai tingkat nasional! Gue yang sama sekali nggak ikutan Paskibra aja ikutan bangga.

Lalu gue lulus sekolah, dan lulus kuliah, dan pindah ke komplek rumah yang sekarang. Pertama-tama, nggak ada perayaan 17-an, oh mungkin karena lagi pada puasa, karena waktu itu 17 Agustus pas Ramadhan. Selama 3-4 tahun 17 Agustus jatuh pada saat orang-orang puasa atau lebaran. Tapi setelahnya, ternyata emang nggak pernah ada lomba atau acara apa-apa.

Waktu gue ngelirik komplek-komplek sebelah dan sekitar, ternyata mereka pada ngerayain 17-an dengan berbagai macam lomba.

Memang rumput tetangga selalu lebih...merah-putih ya.

Tapi sebenernya, kalo dipikir-pikir, kenapa gue, dan juga orangtua gue, selalu mengeluh bahwa di komplek kita ini nggak ada acara-acara untuk merayakan 17-an? Orangtua gue selalu mengeluh, katanya warga di sini nggak ada inisiatif.
Lah, kami kan warga juga? Kenapa nggak kami saja yang berinisiatif mengadakan acara dan lomba-lomba untuk 17-an?
Mungkin tahun depan bisa dicoba. Kali aja, berawal dari EO 17-an RT, tau-tau bisa berkembang jadi EO kejuaraan dunia balap karung. Eh ada nggak sih? Siapa tau ada.

Masih soal ngeluh-mengeluh nih, kedua orangtua gue tuh suka banget ngeluh soal tetangga-tetangga yang males pasang bendera tiap 17 Agustus. Beneran loh! Bahkan kalo soal ini mereka nggak cuma ngeluh, tapi juga menegur satu-satu tetangga yang nggak pasang bendera.

Yah, ini balik lagi ke masing-masing sih ya. Tapi kalo menurut gue, sebagai orang yang merasa terganggu dengan orang lain yang mengusik cara orang beragama dan beribadah, gue nggak akan mengusik hubungan orang lain dengan negara.

Bukan cuma gue loh yang nggak suka kalo orang ikut campur masalah agama dan kepercayaan. Kedua orangtua gue pun paling anti sama yang mengatasnamakan agama untuk menuduh orang lain sesat. Hubungan orang dengan Tuhan itu personal, cukup buat masing-masing aja, nggak perlu ngurusin orang lain. Kita sendiri juga belum tentu agamanya udah sempurna.

Nah apa bedanya sama hubungan orang dengan negara? Kami pasang bendera, sejak seminggu sebelum dan seminggu setelah hari kemerdekaan. Lalu ada beberapa orang yang hanya pasang bendera pada saat hari kemerdekaan, dan ada yang tidak pasang bendera sama sekali. Apakah mereka kurang nasionalis dibandingkan kami?

Apa yang sudah kami lakukan untuk negara? Tidak usah bicara besar. Apakah kami lebih memilih produk lokal daripada produk luar? Apakah kami lebih banyak menonton film lokal daripada Hollywood? Apakah kami lebih memilih berlibur ke tujuan wisata lokal daripada internasional? Kalo yang terakhir, iya sih, tapi lebih karena murah aja.

Ibu gue itu orangnya anti banget sama yang lokal-lokal. "Udah beli mahal-mahal, jauh-jauh di luar negri, taunya buatan Indonesia," entah berapa ribu kali komentar semacam itu keluar dari mulutnya, dan ibu-ibu lainnya.
Tiap diajakin nonton film Indonesia, "Oh film Indonesia ya? Mamah nggak deh kalo film Indonesia."
Ya, iya sih, gue pun mengakui, masih banyak film Indonesia yang mengecewakan. Tapi banyak juga kok yang jauh lebih bagus dari film luar, apalagi film Hollywood.
Tiap denger lagu, pas denger musiknya padahal menikmati, eh begitu kata-katanya keluar, ternyata bahasa indonesia, langsung buru-buru diganti.
Entah kenapa ya, ibu gue ini antiii banget sama yang indonesia-indonesia. Kayaknya tuh, alergi apa gimana gitu.
Makanya gue juga heran, kenapa sih lo ngurusin banget orang mau pasang bendera apa nggak?

Dan orang kaya gitu bukan cuma satu loh di Indonesia. Banyak coy! Seperti orang-orang yang ngerasa lebih beriman dari yang lain, sehingga yang lain sesat. Setiap orang yang ngerasa nasionalis pun seenaknya ngecap orang lain kurang nasionalis, atau bahkan anti NKRI.
Setiap kubu politik, baik yang mendukung si A maupun si B, si C, atau si D, apapun ideologinya, sama-sama merasa lebih nasionalis, lebih pancasilais, dan lebih berhak untuk berteriak "NKRI harga mati!"
Yakin? Gue todong pistol juga lo pindah kewarganegaraan!

Udah lah, nggak usah koar-koar mana yang bener mana yang salah, mana yang nasionalis, mana yang nggak. Gue yakin kok semua rakyat Indonesia cinta sama Indonesia, bangga menjadi bangsa Indonesia, dan mengabdi pada negara dengan caranya masing-masing. Yang paling penting itu kita damai dan bersatu!

Ironis banget kan, teriak-teriak NKRI harga mati, tapi masih kemakan juga sama isu-isu pemecah belah bangsa?

Sabtu, 26 Mei 2018

The Father and the Children

Sunday, May 27, 2018

(Originally posted on May 23, 2018)


Once upon an absurd time and place, where such event could possibly occur, there were this father and his four children.

The eldest son, the 7 years old Jack, was very close to his father. His father was  too happy and proud of his firstborn. So, his father always treated him well and full of love.

Jack loved his father very much. In Jack's eyes, his father was a loving and caring family man who would never harm his children in any way. Jack was very obedient, not because he was afraid, but because he loved his father.

Things were different for the second son, the 6 years old Mike. He was born in the time of war, so the father was harder on him. He scolded him a lot and sometimes even hit him. However, Mike knew, no matter what, he had no other option but to be as obedient as possible, because his father was the only person who took care of him.

The third son, the 5 years old Artie, was still too young to even acknowledge that they had a father. Their father left before their youngest brother, the 3 years old Peter was born. So, he was too young to even remember him.

However, the mother kept telling the children that one day, their father would be back. And, because the father used to be very powerful and dominant in the house, in order to keep her children in order, the mother often spoke on behalf of the father, promised the children that they'd get rewards and punishments from their father for whatever they did.

After their father left, their mother had to work a lot, and Jack and Mike had to take care of Artie and Peter almost all the time. The mother didn't even have a chance to take care of or even speak to Artie and Peter herself.

Now they happened to live next to a river. Everytime the mother had to leave the house, everytime she told Jack and Mike to take care of their little brothers, Artie and Peter, she also warned them not to play in the river, because they could be drowned and dead. Of course she especially warned the two boys not to let their little brothers play in the river. And as always, she warned those boys about the rewards and punishments from the father, to make sure the boys would do what she told them and wouldn't do what she told them not.

She even left a note on the table. Since none of her boys could read, she made a drawing that showed 4 boys, a river flows, and a death symbol.

When the mother left, Jack and Mike were in charge. Jack and Mike didn't actually care about Artie or Peter. All they really cared about is their own good. The reason why Jack was willing to take care of his younger brothers was just because he wanted to make his father happy when he came back home. And for Mike, the reason was so his father wouldn't beat him. He would do anything to avoid punishments from his father.

It was easier to keep Artie and Peter from the river when they were little. But now that Artie was 5 and Peter was 3, it was getting a lot more challenging for Jack and Mike to do their job.

Jack was starting to let his brothers do whatever they want, because he believed his father wouldn't punish him anyway. He believed his father loved him to much to ever hurt him. He only cared about his father and didn't actually care about his brothers.

Mike, on the other hand, would never forget how scary their father could be when he was angry. So Mike started to threaten his younger brothers with violence. Just like Jack, Mike actually didn't care about his brothers at all. But he was so afraid of his father's punishments.

Meanwhile, Artie had actually been old enough to reason. None of the older siblings knew that Artie had made it  to the river once, and almost drowned. Artie was lucky enough, not only he somehow survived, but also that the older brothers never found out about it. But he learnt himself that the river could be dangerous.

So, while Jack lost his interest to keep his brothers away from the river, and Mike was so afraid of father's punishments, Artie kept Peter away from the river because he knew the river was dangerous, and he really cared about Peter. Artie didn't care about what his father would do. He didn't even believe of his existence in the first place.

One day, Jack, Mike, and Artie were finally off guard, and Peter made it to the river. Artie was the first to find out. He shouted, "Guys, Peter went to the river!" as he ran to the river to save Peter.

Mike was furious. He chased his two brothers. "Hey! What are you guys doing!? Father's gonna kill us!"

When Peter was almost drowned, Artie did anything he could to save him. Mike could've helped them, but he was too afraid to go to the river because he always remembered the punishment he'd get from his father. So he just watched. He would never, ever go to the river, no matter what.

But Artie and Peter made it anyway. And the three boys came back home. Artie and Peter was glad to survive from the river. But Mike was still furious.

Mike said, "Jack, we must kill Artie and Peter!"

Jack was calm. "But why?"

Mike took the note their mother left. "Jack, look at this note!"

Still Jack was calm. He said, "Relax, Mike, Father wouldn't punish us. He loves us."

"No Jack, look! Four boys must be us," Mike said. "This must be the river. And this must be death."

"And?"

"It means, anyone who got into the river should be killed! Father wants us to kill them, Jack!"

"No, we should not kill him."

"But if we didn't do it, if we didn't kill our brothers, Father would punish us!"

Artie was confused. "Hey Mike, we survived, why are you still upset?"

"Are you crazy! Father is going to punish us all!" Mike freaked out.

"But who is Father? Does he even exist? Wasn't Mother the one who wrote that note?" Artie asked, and his question made Mike even more furious.

Even the calm Jack was finally furious. "How dare you say that? How dare you doubt the existence of our father!?"

"Whatever she has written is a message from him. He is real and he is going to punish us!" said Mike.

"No he's not going to punish us," said Jack. "But he is real! And he loves us all!"

"So what? We survived the river, it's all that matters! We would not make the same mistake." said Artie.

So the three brothers kept on fighting. While they were busy fighting over what they should do about the 'river incident', they didn't realize that Peter was already making his way back to the river.

Peter made it to the river again. But that time, no one was there to save him. He was drowning while his brothers were busy arguing whether the Father exists or not, or whether he is a lover or a punisher.

What an irony, isn't it? The three older brothers could've just stopped fighting, been glad that they were all fine, and kept an eye on their little brother. But they were having an unnecessary fight instead.

Jack might love his father so much, but he wouldn't do anything to save his brother, because he didn't really care about him. He only cared about his father. In fact, he only cared about himself. As long as he knows his father wouldn't do anything to harm him, he wouldn't care whatever would happen to his brothers.

Mike would do anything to avoid his father's punishment. He was so afraid of his father. So yeah, he would do anything to make sure that his brothers didn't go to the river, not for his brother's sake, but for the sake of avoiding his father's punishment. Yes, it could have worked. The point was not letting the brothers go to the river, right?

But then, when the brothers really did, and was in danger, he wouldn't do anything to help them. Because avoiding his father's prohibition is more important for him than helping his brothers.

And the worse would be when he made a wrong interpretation of his mother's note. He would've done exactly the opposite of what his mother and father would want. Mike would or wouldn't do anything to avoid his father's punishments. And he might do something really bad just because a wrong interpretation told him to.

And Artie, well he was actually the only one who really cared about their youngest brother Peter. But what could he do against the more powerful brothers, who spoke in the name of the powerful father?

Why would anyone leave a bunch of children next to a dangerous river, with only an ambiguous note? That'll be another question.

But actually, couldn't the children just really cared about each other without having to think of rewards and punishments from their father? Or do the lessons of rewards and punishments had made them lose their common senses?


Aloha, A.

Jumat, 18 Mei 2018

The Story of Ava and Benji

Friday, May 18, 2018

Meet Ava and Benji. Ava was a very beautiful cat and Benji was a super cute and adorable dog.

Ava and Benji were raised together as siblings. Ava and Benji have always loved each other. Until one day, they had to live separately. They didn't understand what really happened. But suddenly they had to say goodbye to each other for what seems to be forever.

Benji ended up in a house full of dogs and Ava ended up with other strayed cats.

His whole life, Benji had never spent enough time with other dogs. But one thing he learnt from his new friends was that cats are all evil. At first of course Benji didn't believe it, because he remembered Ava, his best friend forever. But while walking through the neighborhood with his new friends, he found some cats. He tried to convince his new friends that cats were harmful. But the cats were not Ava. Unlike Ava, they had never met any nice dogs that treat them nicely. So the cats attacked Benji. This kept happening every time, until finally Benji believed that all cats are evil. So finally he hated all cats. Of course he still remembered Ava. But he had concluded in his mind, that all cats are just evil. Ava was an exception, because she was raised with a dog. Benji even believed that Ava was actually evil, because she's a cat after all.

Meanwhile, Ava was also surprised to find out how cruel and aggressive a dog can be. Another cats had warned her not to be friends with dogs, because all dogs are evil. And just like Benji, at first Ava refused to believe that. But also like what Benji had experienced, Ava also found that all dogs she met were so mean to her. So, with time, finally Ava had to believe that all dogs are evil.

That's it. Everytime Benji saw a cat, he'd bark at it, chased it, and even attacked it. He no longer cared to get to know the cat first.
So did Ava. Everytime she met a dog, she ran, or got ready to protect herself. She hated every dogs.

Benji believed that all cats are evil, and Ava believed that all dogs are evil. And they themselves became living proofs of the evil dog and cat.


We can't blame them. They're just animals. Luckily, we are not animals.

Kamis, 22 Februari 2018

Sophia

Gotta sort these things out

These thoughts of highly intelligent robots are really bothering me in any kinda way.

So, some couples of months or weeks ago, me and my friends were talking about this robot, Sophia. She’s the most famous robot recently, and yes it’s a she, and she even has a citizenship!

What really bothering me was these issues that the highly intelligent robots would want to rule the world, and probably make us, humans their slaves.

But one big question popped in my head: what do they need to rule the world for? What would they want this world to be?

First, let’s talk about: why would one want to rule the world?

I searched it on Google, since it was the fastest way to get any information, right? But it’s not totally reliable in delivering facts. Plus, it’s human’s psychology. It’s one the most complex things!

So, I can’t really know for sure why, but it must have something to do with their purpose in life, right? What do you think?

I mean, let’s say, you rule the world. Bam! Now, what are you going to do about that? Of course you want to do something with the world, that is suitable for your idea of a better world, that must have been according to your true purpose in life. Please give me other opinion if what I wrote didn’t make any sense, but right now, that’s what makes sense the most to me.

So, let’s say it was about purpose in life.

Meanwhile, doesn’t purpose in life have something to do with passion? Passion is something we think about all the time. Passion is about something we truly love, and love is a feeling. And the robots don’t have any feelings. How can a robot be sad, or angry, or happy? How can a robot love? How can a robot have a passion? How can a robot have any reason to rule the world?

But on the second thought, what is feeling, again? What is this thing we claim as feeling? Feeling is just one of so many reactions produced by our brain. It is programmed by our experiences, memories, hormones and chemical reactions in our bodies: some things that is highly possible to build in a robot.

So, basically, yes, robots can be so sophisticatedly made, so they can have what so close to resemblance feelings.

But how would the feeling-building-process be? How would it go? Either consciously or not, we do have purpose and objectives in life. I don’t even know about purpose in life. Why are we here? Why are we created?

Are we created with different purpose, same purpose, or no purpose at all? Are we just created to be able to have a purpose, based on our ability to feel, based on our ability to process all the information we get?

So, would the robots, be created with its creator’s personal life purpose (or maybe company purpose), or would they only be created with the ability to have their own life purpose?

These whole robot things really made me think a lot about humans and their creator, or maybe just about humans. We’ve been searching for our life purpose. Philosophers have been debating about the true meanings of life. I’ve been wondering about the meanings of life myself.

Now I think, the creation of these highly intelligent robots might be able to answer a lot of our questions about human, its creation, and its purpose, and the meaning of life one day.

Diseases of the Future

Friday, February 23, 2018

I've been thinking about the past, a lot. I love history of everything, even the things I'm not really into. History is always fun to learn. It's full of fun and unique facts.

But now I suddenly want to talk about futuristic things too. It's not really the first time, actually. I think of future as much as I think of the past. While the past is about fun facts and incredible information, the future is all about imagination.

Now, what very interesting for me is the medical world. Medical articles (along with criminal ones) have always been my favourite since I was little. I used to want to be a doctor, but my academic record just couldn't get me there.

I've talked about prehistoric diseases in this blog quite a while ago. I think it was last year or even the year before.

Prehistoric diseases was very interesting to talk about. I got my mind blown learning about them. Now I'm talking about the future diseases.

I've found this interesting article written by Alessia Andreotti (Ciao Signorina! Mi piace molto il suo articolo! Brava!)

https://www.nextnature.net/2015/03/diseases-of-the-future/

"Nowadays humans suffer from diseases that didn’t exist in the past, a trend that will probably continue into the future. A wide range of new disorders, especially related to the latest technologies, may affect us.

The disease of the future are related to our modern lifestyle, they affect the psyche but, in the long run, can also debilitate the organism. Computers, video games, office work, virtual realities, and their lumbering presence, are just some of the elements that have changed the context in which we live and the way we spend our time. Technology has found our new weaknesses and will exploit them.

Even if it’s impossible to know which pathogens will afflict us in the future, we can explore the health issues that could emerge as a consequence of technological advancements and our inability to cope with them. Virtual Reality Addiction, Nature Deficit Disorder, Computerization of the Personality, Nanotech Poisoning, shown below a selection of third millennium diseases."

You can read the rest of the article in the link above.

When searching for future diseases, I was thinking of something more biological, like... I don't know, new version of cancer or blood diseases. Well, if you read the article, you'll see that she wrote about the biological diseases too (metalosis maligna was the coolest one). But what interested me more were the psychological ones.

There are some diseases that I think I might have, or even a lot of us might have. Those diseases are 'Computerization of the Personality' and 'Virtual Reality Addiction'.

Yep, I definitely have 'Virtual Reality Addiction'. I could play 'The Sims' for hours, even days. It's ironic, that they made a game based on reality, that is so real people love it more than they love the reality itself. But it is explainable. The virtual reality looks like the reality we live in, but we can control more than we can do in real life. It is just so much better and that's why it is addictive.

But I'm really interested in how our personalities have been computerized. It is a fact that has been happening, no longer in the future. Well, the article was originally written in 2015. But even by then I think many people have already had computerized personalities.

Our personalities are affected a lot by the ones we interact with the most. It used to be our friends or family. But nowadays, we interact mostly with computer. We get so used to the way the computer receive, process, and respond to the information, we start to receive, process, and respond to information the way they do.

I think my lack of feeling (especially love) to my surroundings is the effect of my computerized personality. Everything has to be logical or I wouldn't be able to understand it. Wow! I didn't think it was a disease before!

I've lost my human side. I couldn't feel. I can't feel. And I've been okay with that. I'm still feeling okay with that. I'm just amazed by the realization.

But actually, how human are we supposed to be? Is that even a standard?

Selasa, 06 Februari 2018

Highs and Lows of January

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Day 30: My Highs and Lows of the Month

Yeah this challenge were supposed to be done in a month, starting at the first day of the month, and ending at the 30th day of the month, or most probably end of the month.

But I started this a week after January started, and now it ends at the end of the first week in February. But when we talk about the month here, I'll talk about January.

So here are my highs and lows in January.

My lows, of course, were those days between the 8th to the 16th of January when I was really sick. I hate being sick, especially being sick for that long! I couldn't do anything! I was so negative and angry.

My highs were the last couples of days of the month, where I spent so much happy time with my loved ones. Also that crazy phenomenon at the end of the month, that super blue blood moon. I've seen it! In 150 other years, I have to live in these years and got the chance to see that! There were at least three generations that didn't have a chance to see something like this.

Okay, those are my lattest 30 days. This is the last day of the challenge. The next challenge for me is to start a challenge in the 1st day of any month.